Dana - 2008: The Cate Ethicist

The Cate Ethicist

There is a weekly column in the New York Times magazine titled “The Ethicist.” One sends to the writer Randy Cohen a brief description of a situation he or she was in that posed a moral dilemma. Randy, an all-knowing guru in the field of ethics, chooses two particularly compelling queries to respond to at length and to publish in The Times. No topic is off limits; the Ethicist has tackled, replying to each with clear judgment, every moral issue possible, from the treatment of pet turtles to, in the most recent issue, the use of Adderol as a test-taking aid. Is it ethical? the conflicted parties ask, and Randy, as if accessing a long-forgotten bible of answers, quells their quandaries with a plain ruling. In the case of the pet turtle, yes, it was ethical for the man to confront the boy dragging his leashed turtle by its neck, the well-being of the reptile being of more importance to ethics than the interference with the boy’s parenting. And again, yes, popping Adderol pills for the SAT is perfectly ethical, though not legal without a valid prescription. As Mr. Cohen often shows us, there is little correlation between ethics and law.

The Times column, and indeed the whole concept of ethics, has always interested me. Is there a specific code that distinguishes morality from immorality? I have come to learn from Mr. Cohen, that yes, there actually is. Though determining the right thing to do is certainly a matter of opinion, there exists for each situation a clear choice as to the ethical thing to do. Ethics is simply a series of unwritten rules. Randy Cohen is like a Supreme Court Justice of these rules.

So, I have decided to begin a column in the El Batidor modeled directly after Mr. Cohen’s: The Cate Ethicist. Irresolute students and faculty alike will send me their dilemmas, and I will respond with the ethical solutions. Send any situation that you are unsure about, or an issue you are currently facing that has you torn between two plans of action. You may request to remain anonymous, or have your name published. No matter what the case, I can assure you I will provide an unyielding verdict of ethics; Cate ethics. 

Ah, but now, down to the crux of the matter: where are the queries for this initiatory installment of the Cate Ethicist? This is a fine question indeed. The truth is, there are none; I have completely forgotten to ask anyone, and seeing as this article was due three hours and thirteen minutes ago, I don’t expect I will have a chance to do so at all. But no matter, therein lies an ethical issue. Was it ethical for me to put off the composing of this article until after it was due? Is procrastination, when resulting in the failure to assume responsibilities, unethical? No, it’s not. Cate ethics dictates that schoolwork comes before extracurricular activities, under which category writing for the El Batidor falls. I have been plagued with great swarms of homework for the last… well, really from the very start of the year. Completing this article late, as I am doing right now, is indeed irresponsible, and certainly typical of me. But in terms of ethics, it is just fine. The editors of the El Bat will receive this in plenty of time to format the upcoming issue. It will be published and delivered on time; the readers will notice no difference, and everyone will be happy. Perfectly ethical. 

For the next issue, please send me ethical queries – preferably Cate-related – so that I might respond to and publish them. Two (hypothetical) examples of appropriate questions: “I saw Nick Bern copying Chinese homework from a classmate. Is it ethical for me to tell on him, given that I copied the same assignment? He got a better grade than I did; doesn’t that make his actions worse than mine?” or “I was talking to a certain faculty member, and he began making immature comments. Sensing the tone of the conversation, I made a comment about the teacher’s buttcheeks. He got very upset, and deemed my words inappropriate. What I said was no worse than what he said; is it therefore right that I should be scolded? Is it ethical for adults to be that hypocritical?” You might have ethical dilemmas relating to the following topics: the recently imposed restriction of sugary foods in the Dining Hall, issues of plagiarism, honesty, friendship, lust, video games, or anything at all. Please send your questions my way.